“Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man at the altar.”-Judy Geller

Title: “The One with the Sonogram at the End” (S1, E2)

Air Date: (09/29/1994)

Run Time: 22:47

We have made it to the second episode of Friends. Congrats.

The episode opens up in such a way that it will make you want to pick up a copy of Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus, if you didn’t already have that in your arsenal. I should probably pick up a copy, myself.

Anyway, the episode starts with the group discussing kissing. It ends with the conclusion that all the women think kissing is very important, while the men want the sex. Shocking, really.

We finally see where Ross Geller works: in a museum, with old, outdated things, like his standards. He still doesn’t understand women, even fake mannequins. Here is where we finally meet Ross’ ex-wife, Carol. She’s too pretty for him. Her partner, Susan, is also too pretty for him, but we meet Susan a little bit later in the episode (spoiler alert and all that jazz). The encounter between Ross and his ex is super painful to watch, and ends with her announcing her pregnancy to him. Plot twist, peeps, plot twist.

Moving on: Monica is stress cleaning. Again, do these people work? Why don’t we see them at work? Chandler, what do you do? I am Monica; Monica is me. She is stress cleaning, ‘cause, well, parents. There is a clear sibling rivalry between Monica and Ross. Can you guess who the golden child is? (Hint: It’s not Monica.)

Rachel, on the other hand (pun not intended), cannot find her engagement ring. She is seeing Barry. Without the ring. The horror.

Chandler makes an epic Alice in Wonderland reference (again, marry me). Rachel, it turns out, baked the ring into the lasagna that Monica asked her to assemble. This is awkward. See, this is why you don’t have a proposal with food; it’s just not a good look for anybody.

There’s a knock at the door. It’s Ross. He is v. sad again, and drops the epic bomb on all his friends. As much as I dislike him, his sarcasm is almost as on point as Chandler’s. Ross may or may not step up and be the father that we all need him to be. He is v. confused. I’m going to take a wild guess and write that his perpetual state of being is confused.

Ross still has not asked Rachel out.

Finally, we meet Monica and Ross’ mother. She is very sarcastic about Monica’s cooking. Ross is literally a mama’s boy, and won’t take one for the team for his poor sister. The Gellers (elder) are very judgmental about Rachel leaving Barry, and then they turn on Monica. Apparently, she was quite chubby as a kid and had puzzles. They have zero confidence in Monica, and yet they dote on Ross. SEXISM.

Ross gets it together and tells his parents about the situation with his ex-wife and the baby. The parents are shook, and of course, blame Monica. Poor Monica.

MONICA DESERVES BETTER, OMG.

Back at Central Perk, our headquarters, we find out that Phoebe has a twin, an evil twin, who works as a waitress. We also find out that Chandler is a sad and lonely person (same). Again, I am Chandler. He is me. Marry me.

Everyone leaves, and Ross and Rachel are alone. In the dark. Is he going to ask her out? (The answer: No, but they do have a deep conversation, and Ross stares at the back of her head with major heart eyes.)

We are now at the gynecologist. Susan enters the building. She, as I mentioned earlier, is also a babe. She also sasses Ross like no other, and I love her for it.

We finally meet Barry, since with the engagement ring in hand, Rachel goes to see him. Barry it seems has had a major glow up, but still, Rachel could do better. You see, Barry changed himself and is now put together because he and Mindy, Rachel’s Maid of Honor, had a fling and went to Aruba, Rachel and Barry’s planned honeymoon, together. I think it’s clear to all that Mindy and Rachel are no longer going to be friends. Girl code, people, girl code.

Back over to Ross: Ross must think about having a baby a lot, because clearly this is not on par with his fantasy version of fatherhood. He’s about to leave and then Bam! hears the heart beat of the baby. Babies’ heart beats are fucking magical. He shows the entire friend group the sonogram. Monica loves it.

And Rachel, well, she sticks to it Mindy. Hard.

Ross also still hasn’t asked her out.

I wonder what the next episode will bring? Will Ross ever ask her out at this point? Will the world end before he does? Stay tuned.